though it has slowly morphed into certainly more than simply a place for discussions of trader joes, nike tempos & reality shows (i mean, do i really even talk about ANY of those subjects anymore?), i wouldn’t say that this has become a full-fledged fashion blog. i mean, yes, i take and post daily photos of my ensembles, list where each item was purchased, along with links to find said items or pieces very similar, but you know, i’m no jessica quirk or blaire edie (those are fashion bloggers if you didn’t know). i mean, for one, my clothing isn’t NEARLY as fabulous as theirs. and two, well, let’s not even get started on my lack of photography skills.
because while a part of me (and probably most of you) would love it if i never spoke again of my personal navigation through the unpredictable relationship waters, and rather, chose to focus solely on fueling my fashion ferocity, i assure you, that’s just not going to happen (kind of like how “fetch” will never happen, either), because then i would probably have to spend even more on my wardrobe than i already do (which you know, isn’t nearly as much as you would probably assume. two words: outlet shopping) and well, at least hire a better photographer. besides, i’ve actually sat and thought about how much pressure those fashion bloggers have on them. to look perfect ALL THE TIME. i mean i can’t imagine what i would do if i wasn’t allowed a mulligan every now and again; a bad hair day, the occasional fashion don’t.
because let’s be honest, i put enough pressure on myself to be witty and funny and poignant all the time (or at least five days a week), and while i do my best to adorn my bod with pinterest-worthy ensembles, it’s thankfully not the main focus of my day.
anyway, yesterday i read an entry from one of my fashion blog crushes -miss kendi skeen of kendi everyday, talking about her own struggle to be “on” 24/7. she highlighted the perpetual pressure to plaster on a smile to hide the inevitable fleeting moments of pain and un-glamour brought on by life, despite the fact that her own humanity can’t help but make her victim to the sporadic terrible, horrible no good, very bad day. i wanted to reach through the screen and give her a hug. for both the truth and honesty of her composition, but mostly because she could have probably used one….
We didn’t get outfit photos this morning and I don’t have any in the arsenal waiting to post. And for the first time in a long time, I’m okay with this. I can describe my outfit for you if you’d like — it’s a black maxi dress, sandals, hair in a bun, the usual for a running late kind of morning. The reason we didn’t get photos was because I got about 4 hours of sleep last night. This is actually a very typical night for me. This is what I don’t tell you about owning a business. Yes, it’s a lot of fun but you lose a lot of sleep. In fact, when I sleep through the night again I’m buying everyone a drink. The thing is when you don’t sleep a lot, you don’t want to take pictures of yourself with your dark-circled eyes. And that my friends, is what it is.
This post is not here to say that it’s hard to run a business, because well it is. In fact that’s why I’ve never really talked about opening the shop on here because to be honest, this past year has been the hardest year of my life. Year 27 will go down in the books as many things — the year of starting my business, the year of making a ton of mistakes, the year of exhaustion. But a good year, a very good year in that. But today I decided that I was tired and that I wasn’t going to waste my time trying to make people think that I wasn’t.
Most days I have it together. Most days. Somedays I don’t and I just need you to know that. Just in case you don’t have it all together, too. Maybe we can be friends and tell each other it’s okay to be a mess sometimes.
I think that one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned this year is that just because something is hard doesn’t mean that’s it bad. I’m a very black and white person. Something is either good or bad, happy or sad. (And also I’m a Dr. Suess fan.) But the older I get the more I learn how grey life really is. I’ve always wanted Kendi Everyday to be a positive place — probably because deep in my heart I want so desperately to be an optimist, which I am not. Outfits are happy, so I stick to outfits. But today I would just like to be Kendi, if that’s okay. I’d like to share my story of how I started the shop and my journey along the way. Not right now of course because none of those words have made it to paper quite yet. But someday, I’d like to. You know when we were kids and if you didn’t say something when someone questioned the truth, it still counted as a lie? Well, I’ve been quiet even though I know the truth and I’m tired of being afraid of what’s honest. Yes, outfits are pretty, but so is life, even when it’s trying, hard, and exhausting. Even when it kicks your cutely dressed ass.
This post really serves no other purpose other than to say, ‘hey guys I’m tired trying to look perfect all the damn time.’ I’m quite okay with not being perfect, so I’m not sure why I’ve been obsessed with making sure my life looks squeaky clean. So let’s have a moment of silence for my well-scrubbed life. It’s nice to see her go.
“just because something is hard doesn’t mean it’s bad.”
sometimes i think when the going gets tough, the tough get going. well yes, that too, but that idiom doesn’t really work here, so let me try again. sometimes i think when the going gets tough, it must mean something’s wrong. if [insert specific aspect of life here] is this arduous, then it must be user error. but that’s not how life works all the time, i don’t think. i’m pretty sure that some of the hardest things in life also reap the greatest rewards. so i’ll try to keep that in mind when i start to be wary of the grey area. that things aren’t always one extreme or the other. that middle ground is okay, too. and that the bad hair days and the overly personal sharings are what makes you human.
and i like being human.
so thank you, kendi for your authenticity, more importantly, for a really great reminder.