i may or may not have alluded a time or twelve that my skin and i have hardly been the best of friends over the years. think of it this way: my skin has always kind of been a regina george, and me, i’m like the rest of the student body just trying to survive a day beneath her wrath. if i was gretchen weiners, i totally wouldn’t be able to wear my white gold hoops my parents got me for hanukkah. i could go on, but hopefully you get the point. and if you don’t, puh-lease do yourself a favor and watch mean girls this weekend. you’re welcome.
anywho, skincare has always been a sensitive subject in the eyes of yours truly. i’m probably the last person you’d ask for advice but seeing as this is my blog, i’m free to offer any and all unsolicited commentary as i see fit. so with that said, i’m going to do just that.
now that the acne gods have been appeased for the time being (lord help me if they decide to come back for round three), i figured that 27 is a good of age as any to get serious about adopting a few preventative measures (see also: prolonging my need to resort to botox) to keep this epidermis taut and glowing for decades to come. but considering the fact that most people still confuse me for someone about seven to ten years my junior, i’m not sure if this is such a big concern. but you know, those wrinkle commercials are pretty convincing, so in true OCD-planning fashion, i’m embarking on this skincare journey a good five to seven years prematurely.
much like cher horowitz, one of my main thrills in life is a makeover. especially if said makeover is on yours truly. so, in desperate need of a pick-me-up over the weekend, my gal M and i decided to make ourselves appointments at the bare escentuals store in the midst of our saturday shenanigans in palo alto.
now i’m usually not one to pay much attention to the items my all-black clad makeup artist insists on slathering on my splotchy mug, but maybe it was the fact that homegirl thought i was hilar (quickest way to my heart = laugh at my self-depricating humor-slash-awkward under-breath-commentary), so that alone won her a special place in my heart as well as my undivided attention, or maybe it was the fact that the 28th celebration of birth is fast approaching (shhh, i don’t want to talk about it), but whatever the reason, my ears couldn’t help but perk up at the sound of buzz words like “rejuvenating,” “anti-wrinkle-ing,” and “make you look like a million bucks-ing.” (so i made that last one up, but i fully intend on at least looking like a few dozen benjamins after this skincare routine has been in place for 90 days or so). so in addition to purchasing the entire make-up collection that my dear friend michelle utilized in making me look and feel like a bronze goddess (the exact “look” i told her i was looking for when i sat down in that chair at the beginning of my appointment), i also spent monies on her recommended skincare routine. thank goodness all products were below the 4-ounce limit otherwise TSA would have had an angry red head on their hands if they had attempted to confiscate my newly purchased anti-wrinkle cream. don’t come between me and my preventative measures against crow’s feet.
while it technically hasn’t been a week yet (five days to be exact), i already feel as if my skin doesn’t look a day over 26. at this rate, i’m bound to get carded again for the next rated-R movie i attend. wait, does this mean i can redo my prom?
purifying facial cleanser
purely nourishing moisturizer normal to dry skin
active cell renewal night serum
purifying facial cleanser “instantly hydrates and removes makeup” (instantly is a scosh aggressive. or maybe i just wear makeup that only a chisel can remove. l’oreal wasn’t joking around when they made their “waterproof formula,” now were they?).
purely nourishing moisturizer normal to dry skin “provides balanced hydration” (this seems like a simple enough claim. i was just talking about how my hydration totally feels more balanced these days).
active cell renewal night serum “helps accelerate cell turnover and boosts moisture levels overnight” (accelerate cell turnover just sounds fancy. my face feels really soft so does that mean it’s working?).
okay, so it’s pricey. i may or may not have had a mini heart attack when michelle (again, we were totally besties by the end of the appointment) rang it up. but i figure, you really can’t put a price on youth, right? well i suppose you could -i’m pretty sure google would provide me with the figures for getting a little nip and tuck when it comes to my face epidermis, but yikes, that search would probably warrant images that i couldn’t unsee if i tried.
“clinically proven to diminish the appearance of forehead wrinkles, brow furrows, crow’s feet and frown lines.”*
*based on an independent clinical study
i love me a good clinical study, so if those
guinea pigs study participants gave it the thumbs up, i’m in. but in all seriousness, i might be one of the worst offenders of the infamous brow furrow so if this magical potion can diminish that, well, i will gladly shell out half a benjamin to cover the cost. like i said, while it’s way too early in the game to truly assess if this product is doing its thang, i’m hopeful that the only crow’s feet i’ll be seeing are the appendages attached to those annoying black birds that insist on camping out on the lamp post outside my bedroom window (also, crow’s feet -neither crows nor feet, discuss).
in addition to the aforementioned products by bare escentuals (who, i might add, did not in any way endorse/bribe/coerce me to provide this review, though i wouldn’t be opposed to writing more like it if they were willing to compensate in the form of free products), i highly recommend the bare minerals powder foundation that the company is pretty famous for. it does wonders. honestly. it gives you that look like you’re not wearing any makeup but you totally are because you might offend someone if you truly went out in public with a completely naked face. and at the end of the day, isn’t that what you’re looking for in a cover-up? just me?
oh and one more thing. before applying any of these products, i slather on a lima-bean size (most people go with pea-size or dime-size, i choose lima) amount of spf 30 sunscreen by elta MD. you probably think i’m going to bust into that song that we all played at high school and college graduations back in the late 90’s, but i’ll refrain. but seriously, if you heed no other advice from me, hear this: wear sunscreen.
also, bronze have more fun. think about it.