how to make a girlfriend (a girl that’s a friend), in some easy steps

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so as you may or may not have already known (seeing as i talk about it incessantly), i’ve been fortunate enough to add a few amazing broads to my harem of girlfriends in the past six months or so (i know, making friends outside of college is actually a feasible fete). and every time i’m lucky enough to make the transition from the “just acquaintances” to full blown “legitimate besties” category with each of my gals, i’m asked just how it is i manage to make the transfer. in other words, “how do you make friends so easily?”

which is always kind of awkward to answer. “um, i’m just really likeable?” just kidding. “does it help that i pay them to hang out with me?” just kidding, again. 

but really, if i had to put a list together on how i’ve managed to snag a few more girlfriends in the last 12 months or so, i think these items would be included on it:

for one, self-deprecating humor helps. or just humor in general. girls like to laugh (except maybe those who are fearful of laugh lines, but that’s not really such a concern anymore with things like botox and lasers and instagram filters), so if you can woo them with your jokes, then that’s a step in the direction. if you want to use my peanut joke, email me and i’ll forward that gem. and no, it’s not the one about where two peanuts were walking down the street and one was a-salted/assaulted. although that’s a pretty funny one, too.

speaking of peanuts (sorry B), well more so peanut gallery, become your own. make side comments at a friend’s baby shower, christmas party, and/or other semi-serious function. i mean, appropriate ones and at a volume that doesn’t disturb the actual events transpiring around you, but you know what i mean. the acquaintances within earshot may just think your bit of comic relief is refreshing and/or a nice break from all of the oohing and ahhing going on after the momma-to-be opens her third copy of goodnight moon.  or they’ll think you’re super annoying and if that’s the case, well maybe you didn’t want to be friends with them anyway. also this point of counsel is basically the same one as the one above it. just explained in different context. i mean, really i just wanted another excuse to talk about peanuts.

which leads me to my next point. awkwardness. turns out, it’s pretty endearing. and by endearing, i mean, if you’re awkward, sometimes people feel sorry for you and become your friend out of pity. i think that’s maybe how i started making so many friends. people were just like, “oh dear, she kind of doesn’t know how to act normally in social settings, let’s befriend her and teach her how to function in society.” i’m not sure if their lessons are working, but it sure does feel nice to have friends.

you know how they say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach? that’s kind of true about women, too. at least the women worth knowing. wooing with baked goods is always a good option (just check for food allergies) as is starbucks. in my experience, girls are powerless against the infamous green mermaid. treat them to a venti iced unsweetened green tea, and you’ve got yourself a friend for life.

start a blog and/or creep on people using social media. BL and i make no apologies for the fact that aside from a brief introduction in the fall of 2011, our friendship blossomed over our slight obsession with each other via my blog, facebook, and instagram. one double tap of a picture led to a dozen more and finally, after i sent her a creepy facebook message confessing my full-blown girl crush on her, turns out the feeling was mutual. we ended up meeting  for our first “in real life” date last october, and the rest, they say, is history.

quote mean girls, clueless, sex and the city, and/or friends. if she picks up on any/all of those, she’s a keeper. if she looks at you like you have a third eye when you mention the word “fetch” -run. i mean, don’t run, that would be rude and if you’re like me, the thought of running makes you want to cry a little bit. but i mean, if homegirl can’t chime in with a “we were on a BREAK” when you drop ross and rachel into casual conversation (and really, when aren’t you dropping them into casual conversation?), then i’m not sure if your sisterhood was destined in the stars. i’m obviously kidding. but not really.

actually, let’s add friday night lights in there, too. a mutual love for tim riggins can lay the foundation for a life-long friendship. and yes, this time i’m actually being serious. #texasforever

speaking of serious, on a less trivial note, you know what helps with that whole making friends thing? follow-through. yep, just like how it makes a difference with your tennis swing, follow-through is key to solidifying any new relationship. when you or she goes “we should totally grab dinner sometime” TOTALLY GRAB DINNER SOMETIME. follow-through, people. it’s all about the follow-through. when it comes to making plans, i’m like that really annoying company that keeps spamming your inbox for deals on laser hair removal (looking at you, groupon). i’m relentless. it’s one of my best and worst qualities. some may see it as “desperate,” i prefer to look at it as “reliable.” tomay-toe, tomah-toe. but really, make the darn dinner date. also, everyone loves sushi.

above all else, just be yourself. quirks, idiosyncrasies, and all. people, girls especially, just want to feel safe and loved. cultivate a trust tree in which your mutual love for j.crew and the whole foods pre-made food section can bloom and you’ll be racking up the potential bridesmaids in no time. and if you’re already married, then renew your vows at the ten-year mark. it’ll give you another reason to wear your dress again.

i wish you the best of luck in your pursuits. don’t let anyone tell you any differently, making friends after the age of 22 is totally possible. and i’m living proof.

best friends

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