decisions, decisions

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love your decisions

i care a lot about what you think. maybe a little too much, in fact. i don’t know, ┬áit’s probably just the people pleaser in me, or my innate desire to be well-liked and respected by my peers, but whatever the underlying reasoning for it, as much as i may play it off that i don’t, the truth is that i really do care to know your thoughts. about me, my decisions, and most certainly, my outfits.

but what i’m finding is that i constantly let this regard for your opinion eclipse my own. as if i outsource my decisions to be made by friends, family, co-workers, even new acquaintances that i find myself disclosing my life story to while in line at starbuck’s. sometimes i can’t find the line between where my own thoughts end and others’ begin. and perhaps that’s my own fault with splashing around my life’s contents for all the world to see. if i simply kept my personal life personal, perhaps others wouldn’t feel so obligated to offer their opinions on my everyday musings. but i want to let you into my life. i like sharing it with you. the good, the bad, the awkward, the ugly. it makes for a more fuller and richer existence. and gosh, it sure is nice to have someone to talk to (even if i can’t see you behind this computer screen).

so i suppose it’s about finding the balance between both spectrums -allowing you in but with perimeters and qualifications. realizing that you may not always love what i have to say or what i choose to do or feel, and that’s okay. my comfort and confidence in the decisions i make should not be contingent of your opinion of me in the aftermath. like the print says, the more i love my choices, the less i need you to love them, too. i mean, don’t worry i’m not quitting my job to join the circus or anything, but i’m so dang tired of letting others’ opinions of me stunt me from taking full advantage of this life that was so graciously given to me.

learning to be okay with the steps i take and the decisions i make is all apart of growing up, i suppose. when we’re younger we can’t wait to be an adult and have the autonomy to eat ice cream for dinner or stay out until 2 in the morning if we so well please. but now that i have the freedom to do whatever i want whenever i want, somehow i’ve taken a step backwards, it’s like i’m still waiting for permission to do the things that i really want to do. but that changes today. or maybe tomorrow. let’s be honest, it’s going to be an on-going process. but however long it takes, one thing is for sure, i’m going to love my decisions and stand firmly behind them. that way it won’t matter so much what you think. i’ll support them enough for the both of us.

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