ghosts

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i don’t believe in ghosts. i mean, i don’t mind casper (he is after all, the friendly ghost) but as far as spirits and goblins and things that tend to be associated with halloween go, i think those things belong in a horror movie and not much more. anyway, while i don’t subscribe to formerly dead humans coming back to haunt me in an over-sized bed sheet, i have had a few encounters lately that would all but have me change my tune. i’m talking about the ghosts of boyfriends past. the guys you thought “died” right along with your fallen relationship. but i suppose just because you deleted them from your contacts and defriended them on facebook, it doesn’t mean they magically self-combust. dane cook talked about this once. it was kind of hilarious:

You ever do a little delete game? Do you like to do that? You go through, you take your contactlist, sometimes you’re just in the doctor’s office right? You start scrolling through, you’re like…who don’t I need? Who don’t I need in my life? Where can I get a megabyte of space back right now? And it’s kinda fun right? You just scroll through…er Peter, Peter, yeah [darn] Peter, BOOM! And you really hit that delete button like you’re deleting Peter from existence. Peter is sitting half way around the world eating a steak and the second you hit that button he just turns to vapour: VVVVVVVV!! The fork falls: Tingtingtingelingtingting! The person that’s sitting across him is like: “PETER!”. Peter is gone. Poof! (via)

oh, is that not how it works? shucks.

kidding, sort of. 

anyway, back to the running into ghosts thing. in a well-isn’t-my-life-tragically-hilarious chain of events, i have had encounters with not one but two ex-boyfriends in the past few weeks. one happened in the parking lot of the starbucks i visit almost daily (yikes!) and the other wasn’t actually in person but rather through text -and while i’ve long since deleted his contact information, the not-from-san-diego area code notified me of its origins right away. oof.

the thing is, i’m completely over both of them. like we are never getting back together. like ever. but being reminded of their presence, out there in society, just living their lives like any other person was kind of like, well, like seeing a ghost. my stomach went up into my throat like when you’re riding a roller coaster and you go through a loopty-loop. time momentarily stood still. and memories of our (respective) times together played through my mind like a wedding reception slideshow (isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?). but almost as quickly as the sighting occurred was i brought back to reality. the ghosts disappeared (as ghosts usually do). my ex got into his car and drove out of sight. and i deleted my other ex’s text before i could be tempted to do more.

maybe sometimes you need to be reminded of what you’ve lost in order to see how far you’ve come. and maybe only in seeing these ghosts can i be confident in knowing that my greatest loves lay before me, not behind me. that the one my heart longs for is still out there in this crazy world. and regardless of the stomach-in-throat situation, maybe that’s a pretty neat sentiment to be reminded of.

facing ghosts

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