you know, it has been a while since i heard a good pick-up line. mostly for the fact that i rarely frequent the types of establishments where such a line might occur (see also: bars, night clubs, restaurants that aren’t honey’s or the whole foods hot bar). but i suppose pick-up lines can happen anywhere, can’t they?
case in point, wednesday afternoon at work.
i was in my office, minding my own business, trying to drown out the ear-piercing sounds of a power drill on the other side of my wall with my “feel good country” spotify playlist, when a guy’s face appeared in the window-paned squares of my office door. i gave him a “can i help you?” kind of look and he turned the doorknob to step inside. his shirt said “george.” “hi, george, what’s up?” he proceeded to explain the reason for his visit (something about installing a sprinkler system in the upstairs offices in case the building caught on fire, blah, blah, blah). i nodded along, still not quite sure how i factored into this equation. “i think you want to talk to the facilities director,” i responded. “hold on, i can call him.”
he cut me off and told me that it wasn’t necessary. all he needed was for someone, anyone, to sign off on the invoice. i still felt ill-equipped to help him, but he was so adamant that i conceded and scribbled my john hancock on the designated line. he ripped the yellow copy from the carbon paper and handed it to me along with a pair of keys. “you look trustworthy,” he said in his most charming voice as he placed the key ring in my palm. i jiggled in keys around in my hand, “wait, what do these keys go to?” i inquired.
and that’s when it happened.
“oh girl, these keys? these are the keys to my heart.”
i think he was half joking, but maybe half serious at the same time. so i tried to be mindful of my response. i nodded my head slowly and gave him a very congratulatory, “well played.” i think i even pointed at him as if to say, alright you, you got me there. but before any more declarations could be made, i diverted the conversation back to the topic at hand.
“so anyway, let me call my colleague, just wait one minute.” i dialed the numbers feverishly as rico suave stood waiting patiently in the door frame. i handed him back the invoice and keys and told him our facilities director would be by any minute. he thanked me as he retreated from my office.
i went back to my work, but couldn’t help but blush. i’m fairly certain my prince charming doesn’t work for the company that installs indoor sprinkler systems for the club, but regardless, it’s still pretty flattering to be gifted the keys to a man’s heart.0