let me make one thing clear: i’m not a fan of cleanses/fasts/anythingthatrequiresmesustainingonpurelyliquids. because, hi, have you seen me when i’m hangry? right, so you understand.

but when i was introduced to a cleanse where i could reap the benefits of detoxification while still being able to eat (and by “eat” i mean, i basically get to follow my regular scheduled diet programming), i reconsidered my case. so i ordered the detox in a box of sorts last month and figured that it would be just the thing to jump-start my metabolism in the new year.

just to be different, i started my cleanse on the 2nd of january instead of on the 1st (take that, universe). so i followed the nifty fold-out instruction pamphlet and noted that the first step in my journey to a lighter, leaner, more detoxified me was consuming the fiber drink dissolved (more on that in a minute) in 8 ounces of water. or was in my case, about 16 ounces -the reason for the additional h-two-oh being that the whole “dissolving” part didn’t quite happen as anticipated. it was more of a fiber drink smoothie. except without the fruit and milk and ice and anything that tastes remotely delicious. and even though i stirred the powdered supplement thoroughly with a butter knife (the spoons were in the dishwasher), after mere minutes, it sort of coagulated near the bottom of the glass, and in the middle, and at the top, too. (also can you use coagulated when you’re not referring to blood? yep, just googled it. you can).

now i had been warned about the coagulation and the need for additional water (hence the double portion) as a means of diluting the concentrated fibery goodness. i had even been advised to take heed in terms of the citrus taste the product boasts, too. but given the fact that cleanses are meant to make you healthier and that i’ve had a lot of experience eating things that the average bear might not deem delicious (see also boca burgers and arctic zero), i figured i’d handle the supplement refreshment like a champ.

turns out, i was pretty wrong. it tasted nasty. like omg i think it might be coming back up nasty (no, but seriously). but i’ve become pretty good at that whole mind over matter thing, so as the coagulated gritty fiber sludge found its way in my mouth, i went to my happy place. i tried to think past the texture and focused on the benefits, instead. just think of the shawna of ten days from now…and somehow, before i could get angrier over the fact that the citrus flavor is by no means delightful or refreshing, i had choked it all down. i survived!

now i just have to do it all over again tomorrow and the next day, too. then a brief hiatus before ending my cleanse experience with more fiber fantastic-ness on days eight, nine, and ten. let’s just say day four can’t come soon enough.

in addition to the fiber drink, i’ll also be alternating between two different vitamin supplements -an “herbal cleanse” packet and a probiotic over the course of the ten-day span. but those are just pills and pills have little to no taste if you swirl them around with enough water and swallow them fast enough.

anyway, i’m not looking for pity, i mean, i brought this upon myself, didn’t i? nor am i trying to call out the makers of this cleanse for an oversight in the quality of their product. i’m pretty sure the fiber drink is supposed to taste that way. and that’s probably because it’s filled with all sorts of nutrients that are going to make me feel like a metabolized and cleansed goddess. 

and if that outcome can be obtained in ten short days, then by all means, bring on the fiber sludge.

wish me luck, i think i’m going to need it.

mantra for the next ten days.