i’ve heard of a lot of good answers to the ever-so-fun-question -“why are you still single?” and until recently, my excuse of “he’s just stuck in traffic” held the number one ranking. now i’m not saying it has been replaced completely, but the following metaphor could certainly give it a run for its money.

just to note, home girl that originally wrote this piece is a) awesome but b) liberal with her expletives, so i’ve, um, censored it a bit for posting purposes. sorry, grandma.

When people ask me why I’m single, I usually let my ego answer. People always give you the schpeel, “but you’re so pretty! smart! funny! successful! talented!” insert a million other adjectives. And yeah. I am [totally] sexy, smart, good at what I do, really good at what I do on the side, fun, and well-raised. But if I am all-kinds-of-awesome, shouldn’t it technically mean that it would be harder to find someone just as awesome?

I hate when people (my mother) say, “but he’s so nice!” Why do I have to settle for nice and smart when they get to enjoy the whole package? Why as a woman am I told that I MUST be everything, but settle for less?

Let’s pretend for a second that I am a university. I am a Tier 1 University. I have a beautiful campus, great academics, excellent athletics, a whole plethora of interesting activities, a great night life, affordable housing, etc. I am [pretty much the most awesome] University [ever]. Tons of people apply to get in me. If I read through the first 30 applications and was like, “hmm, you’ve got OK grades… I see you’re not that great of an athlete. Aw, but look, you volunteer sometimes with kids. I guess you’re OK, sure, you’re in.”

No. [Forget]. That. I am a [ridiculously fabulous] University and there are thousands of applications. Just because Mediocre applied, doesn’t mean he gets in. I am a great University, and I will accept only the best. That’s why I’m single, [witch] (via).

i’m shawna university and i will accept only the best.

a regular smarty pants (get it?).

i mean, who wouldn’t want to apply to this university based on this photo alone?