so can i be honest?
i’ve been feeling a bit guilty about the inconsistency of my posts lately.
not so much about the outfit posts, because i’ll be honest, they haven’t been anything earth-shattering, but moreso about how i don’t seem to have anything poignant or inspired to say.
truth is, everything is absolutely wonderful. i’m happy, i’m healthy, and my hair is long enough to fit in a side braid. #blessed
i spent the entire weekend with my parents and reaffirmed the fact that i hit the parent-lottery with those two. and as if my heart wasn’t already on the edge of exploding, i also got to spend two whole hours with this little stinker and his momma and you guys, i can’t even process how much i adore them.
and if it hasn’t been clear in previous posts, i’m also absolutely head over heels in love with S.
as far as teaching studio barre goes, i love it more every time i put on that britney mic. as little J reminded me this past saturday when she came and took my class (seriously loved having you, come back soon!), i really am living my dream. sometimes it’s nice to have an outside party remind you of that.
in every arena in my life, i feel as though i’ve hit this stride that i’ve been seeking to find for years. ironically enough, i don’t know if even i can quite quantify it with words. it’s simply a feeling. perhaps best manifested in the definition of contentment –a feeling of happiness and satisfaction. like the feeling you get when you exhale after holding your breath for a really long time.
strangely enough i’ve been apprehensive about sharing more elements of this happy season. i’ve never been self-conscious about sharing the bad and the ugly, but when it comes to the good, somehow i’ve clammed up. and maybe that’s because i’ve always been leery of those people who brag about how wonderful their life is in facebook posts or instagram-filtered images. mostly because it seems so contrived or exaggerated or a mask for keeping up appearances. it’s simply not as relatable. there’s a reason they say misery loves company. and to be honest, the rawest/most vulnerable posts about my struggles with body image or heartbreak are oftentimes the ones i receive the best feedback.
so i’ve censored myself. and in most ways, i think that’s a good thing. not every little nuance of S and my relationship needs to be splattered across these pages, because turns out there is, in fact, a beauty in restraint (who knew?). and also, i’ve been burned by sharing too much before, so as i’ve disclosed before, i’m consciously trying to do things differently this time.
however, my cousin said something to me on sunday as we were discussing a similar topic that really resonated -enough to inspire me to change my way of thinking. she told me to “let the positive be positive,” don’t taint it with with feelings of guilt or worry or an anticipation that the tide will inevitably change. history may dictate that all good things come to an end, but don’t let your past experiences eclipse the goodness unfolding in your present. let the positive be positive. and relish in that.
so i’ve made a pact to continue to allow this positive season be positive. and accordingly, i’ve given myself permission to post a mushy post or five about my sweetheart. about how i’m really looking forward to our upcoming trip to dallas and how i can’t wait to do all of those cliche coupley things together over the christmas season (ice skating and drinking hot cocoa and tree decorating, oh my).
because if people can relate to the trials in life, i have to believe they can relate to the triumphs, too. happiness is contagious. and unlike the ebola virus, i think a feeling of contentment is something anyone would be more than willing to make themselves susceptible to.