as if

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i remember the very first time i watched clueless. by movie’s end, nothing but plaid skirts and knee highs would be good enough for my wardrobe, i begged my parents for a white jeep wrangler, and i immediately added words like “betty,” “baldwin, “monet,” and “sporadically” into my everyday vocabulary.

i mean, i wanted to BE cher horowitz.

but since cher horowitz isn’t actually a real person, i did the next best thing, i memorized every single line in that movie and then proceeded to look for any and every opportunity to put said memorized knowledge to good use.

turns out, there are many a life situation where quotes from this 90’s classic are more than appropriate.

like for instance, last night. i was having a playful conversation over text with a gent when all of a sudden, he took a low blow that left my feelings a little hurt (not really, but i don’t want to be made fun of for my affinity for gardenburgers, they are actually quite delicious). without a second thought, i quickly shot over, “gosh, that was way harsh, tai.” 

to which he responded, “who’s tai?”

i mean, he’s a man, so you know, i get it. he’s not required to know every line like me and the rest of the female population. i tried explaining the quote, but it was kind of moot by then.

about a half an hour later, i was watching watch what happens live on bravo where the evening’s featured guests were padma lakshmi from top chef and, well what do you know? alicia silverstone (who bee-tee-dub hasn’t aged a lick!). when host andy cohen posed the question, “what is your favorite clueless quote” to alicia, her response literally made me clap (yes, i gave her a round of applause, by myself, in my house, alone, it’s fine). i mean, just see for yourself (also, RIP brittany murphy):

after the episode was over, i was all but inspired to watch the movie for the 92343456346346th time. but it’s on VHS and at my parents’ house, so you know, i didn’t. but i plan on doing it very soon.

in the meantime, do yourself a favor and read this hilarious article i found a while back on hellogiggles.

and then brush up on your clueless quotes with imdb or some other internet movie quote database, because before you and i can be besties, you’re going to need to be well-versed enough in your clueless vocabulary to catch my references (because believe me, there will be many).

so i’ll be seeing you.

(i hope not sporadically).

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