participation vs. anticipation

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as some of you know, S and i recently celebrated our one year anniversary. which for us as a couple is certainly a milestone, but for me as a female human, is also pretty impressive, too. S is by far and away my longest relationship and albeit a little embarrassing to admit that, i am so overjoyed that my longest tenure holding the “girlfriend” title has been at his behalf.

i have learned so much over this year (plus) -about what it means to be in an honest, open, trusting, loving partnership and how true love has this crazy way of taking your insecurities and replacing them with truth. i’ve learned how open communication is everything and how cultivating a safe place for true transparency and vulnerability might be the single greatest thing you can give your partner. i’ve learned that most arguments or snappy behavior can be amended by a snack (or a nap, or both) and that when you’re with the right person, considering them first just becomes second nature. above all else, i have learned that if you wait long enough, your special man will find his way through the traffic and right into your heart.

having already spent a significant amount of time together, it’s only natural that talk of our future plans together would become fodder amongst our community of friends and family. and albeit sweet in sentiment, the questioning can be overwhelming at times. yes, it’s exciting to plan; to daydream of what the next chapters of our lives together might look like and to sketch out a tentative timeline of how we might end up there. but i can’t help but think that i’ve spent a good portion of my 20’s in this daydreaming state, wishing away my current season for another, more exciting one.

so i’ve made a mini pact with myself to keep tabs on the outside noise. to remind myself that the pace at which S and my relationship is progressing is perfect. not too fast or too slow, but customized to the nuances of us. do i think he’s staying around for a long long long time? yes, yes i do. and in coming to that realization, i have been freed from this sense of urgency i’ve had in the past. if he isn’t going anywhere, what’s the rush? in knowing that your relationship has the potential to survive the long haul, there’s a freedom to simply enjoy each milestone in its entirety.

therefore, i have promised myself that i will remain present in our day to day, rather than get caught up in our hypothetical future; to take an active role and participate in this current chapter, rather than wasting away our precious moments anticipating the next one.

just like the timing of how S and i came to be, the timing in everything that comes next will be ideal. and like this current place we’re in, thirteen months under our belts and more in love than ever, i will relish in every second of it.

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