i wrote this on mother’s day but forgot to post it. so ten days later, here are some reflections i had on that sunday afternoon.
it’s mother’s day. a day to honor the one who brought us life. the lady who rocked us quietly in the wee hours of the morning, who kissed our boo boos and took us to swim lessons, who read us bedtime stories and taught us how to drive. the woman who should be celebrated both on this day and the next 364 of them, too. the woman, in short, we would be nothing without.
now i know i’m nowhere near motherhood (i am however, on my way to auntiehood and i feel as though that will provide great training), but on this day, i can’t help but pause for a moment to think about when i might have the privilege to be celebrated in this way.
and rather than harbor jealousy or sadness over my distance from this life stage, i am realizing that this is the time to collect the wisdom for the future. to tap into the minds and the hearts of not only my own mother, but of the ladies in my life who have become mothers themselves. this is the time to grow in myself a sense of nurturing, of sacrifice. to prepare my heart and my mind for the gift that motherhood is and will be. this is the time to pray for the future, to dream and wish and hope for the little one to come.
i oftentimes wonder what type of mother i’ll be. if i’ll be the neurotic kind, with methods and schedules, or if i’ll be more laid back (me? laid back? ha!), a go with the flow, “it’s okay if he/she misses naptime by 30 minutes or so” kind of mom. maybe i’ll lie somewhere in between. it probably depends on what kind of baby i have and what kind of husband i marry. i can’t help but to think that both of those variables more than factor into the equation, too. but however i conduct myself, i know one thing for certain -i will that little human with every part of me. i don’t know if you’ve ever had a feeling to do or be something so overwhelming that it all but brings you to tears.
but i have. in fact, i can’t remember a time when i haven’t felt this sense of yearning. of longing. for motherhood. and i think that’s greatly due to the fact that i want nothing more to recreate the bond i have with my own mother with my future child(ren). i know it will never be replicated in its entirety, but the relationship i share with my momma is worthy of duplication. it is true and honest and filled with an overwhelming sense of comfort, love, and pride. it surpasses a mother/offspring relationship and moves right on into best friendhood. it has been and continues to be one of my most prized possessions. and this love is the reason i know it in the depths of my soul that i was made to experience this on my own.
i’ve always answered “three, boys” when asked the age old question, “how many children would you like to have eventually?” i’m not quite sure when i decided that three was the magic number, and that all of their genders had to be of the male persuasion, but somewhere along the way that seemed like a logical number and the logical gender to raise given how difficult i know teenage girls (i was one, and not the best one at that) can be. but then i think about the moments i have shared with my mom, just us girls, two peas in a pod, looking for prom dresses and discussing silly boy behavior, belly laughing and crying, too. and i think that the bond a mother and her daughter share is unprecedented in its own way. and that maybe i would love nothing more than to have that with my own daughter.
whatever the future holds, i hope it holds motherhood. of a boy, or a girl, or maybe both at once! (twins run in the fam). and i know when and if that day comes, i’ll have years of logged wisdom from the mommies around me, most notably, of my mommy who shows me on the daily what the love of a mother is truly all about.